Saturday, January 7, 2012

How We Got Here?

To be honest we are still trying to figure that out. There is still so much that does not make sense. So many questions unanswered. Due to test results we are not sure when the initial damage began but we started seeing noticeable symptoms over a year ago.

I started working with a new doctor in 2009 for an existing medical condition. I worked with this doctor every month for a year and during that time I was able to get some relief from that condition. I also worked with him concerning my weight. In a years time with the help of my physician I was able to loos 130 lbs. I was the healthiest I had been in years. I had a habit of putting everyone else first and not ever leaving time to take care of myself. True the Bible says to put others firsts but you still have to take care of your body. It is God's temple and I learned that there was nothing wrong with taking time to take care of myself.

Shortly after loosing so much weight I began having trouble with my balance. I would fall for no apparent reason and I was very clumsy. We would joke that I had lost so much weight that I lost my center of gravity. What we did not know was this was the beginning of a very serious problem.

In October of 2010 I started having sever pain in my upper back and ribs. I could not lay down due to the pain. I spent several nights sleeping (when I could sleep) sitting up. After several days I went to the doctor and found out that I was having a gallbladder attack. Within the week I was having surgery to remove my gallbladder. This was a simple surgery but I had a difficult time with recovery.

Shortly after surgery I began to have anxiety attacks. Sever anxiety attacks. My entire personality was changing. My family could tell and so could I. My doctor gave me a mild medication for depression and told me that with the surgery and with all the grief we had been through over the past 5 years my body was just tired. Reluctantly I started the medication. By the middle of December we knew that the medicine was only making things worse so he took me off of it. I think we tried something else that was a better fit but that too was short lived.

In December our family traveled to Florida to be with my sister and her family for Christmas. She was given a flu shot in November and by the end of that day she was unable to walk without her legs collapsing. She sounded fine when I would talk to her on the phone but the things she was telling me sounded serious. When I saw her at Christmas my heart was broken. She was having trouble using her hands and walking and I realized at that time that things were more serious than I thought. She did not sound sick but something was defiantly wrong.

We returned home from Florida at the end of December to the news that Grandma was in the hospital again. We were not too alarmed because she had been in and out since her surgery months previous to that. We had seen her at Thanksgiving and she looked great. We went straight to the hospital where we would learn that she was in ICU.

I will never forget holding her hand in ICU with her looking into my eyes while the doctors asked her son if he wanted to sign a do not resuscitate form. I knew it was serious and that we only had a short time left with her.Once we realized how serious things were James' family came as soon as possible. Our days were spent at the hospital spending as much time with her as possible. This was difficult though because she ended up being very contagious and so they made us suit up with gowns, gloves and mask everytime we entered her room.

On January 4th in the very early hours God called Grandma Patsy home and we began our earthly goodbyes. January 5th is my birthday as well as her only son's birthday. Grandma loved birthdays and this would prove to be a difficult birthday for us. I spent my birthday at the funeral home working on the details while the rest of the family had to deal with estate issues. My kids sat in the van because they refused to go into the funeral home. To top it off my sister was 14 hours away having test done to determine if she had ALS or MS. It was a very difficult day. The rest of the week we had to deal with the estate and get pictures ready for the service.

After the service was over and family returned home we started trying to get the kids back on some sort of routine. We thought we had made it over the hurdles and that life would finally return to "normal".

To Be Continued...

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